The first 24 hours of being 2×2

Do two year olds know when they turned two and do they know that they are supposed to act entirely different as soon as their birthday hits?  Eidan and Eva apparently got that memo and they are tracking.  Here are the babies newest shenanigans…

IMG_1096

Eva is now more persistent than ever!  The word, “No” is just a sound that comes out of moms mouth but means absolutely nothing.  However, lets brush your teeth sends her running and screaming like a hyena.  Climbing new toys is her new thing, along with falling.  Her favorite thing to do is taking a toy that Eidan is playing with and getting upset when he takes it back from her while I sit on the side lines to see if I need to intercede.  So much fun.

Eidan is talking up a storm.  His favorite word is circles and cake.  Cake is his favorite food and has learned that when you sing them happy birthday, cake follows.  He loves to close the door on you as soon as you walk off for even a second, when you open the door he is standing there just waiting for you with the sneakiest face.  He loves screaming like a pterodactyl if anyone is too close to his toys, especially his sister.  So I hear that dinosaur scream all the time.

Update: Evas ear, nose and throat dr has confirmed she has severe apnea.  We will be seeing her dr. next month to know what his plans are for her.  I will admit, I knew she had it but I did not know how bad.  The news came as a huge surprise and it got me down because it means that inevitably she will be needing another surgery and it breaks my heart.  For the first time I will not obsess about the outcome.  I will simply take it as it comes and pray about it often.  I tend to worry about worst case scenarios and have anxiety every night but I will make a constant effort to give it to God.  This may be the hardest task for me since my imagination is absolutely on another level.

and new news……..*insert drum noises* and we have a new (possibly temporary) family member………… it’s really up to him…

IMG_1082
Lilo

Josh found him injured on the floor during a night run.  I called the wildlife phone number and they said they would just put him down.  I have decided to take care of him until he gets better (God willing).  He seems to be flourishing… probably because he is getting fed around the clock during the day…. literally every 15-30 min in the day.  I am glad Josh found him because having Lilo has made me realize if I have time to feed the bird I DEFINITELY have time to consistently work on feeding Eva by mouth EVERY meal. Whether she takes it or not is up to her but I have faith that she will start taking food by mouth before she is three.  If you are reading this please keep that in your prayers too.  This may be her toughest hurdle yet but I know she can do it!

Does it ever get easier?

As a mother with a child with special needs, I have to know now, does it ever get easier?  I can handle the medications, I can handle the therapies that come six times a week, I can handle the spoiled behavior that she learned being in the NICU for the first five months of her life, and the same spoiled behavior fifteen months after being discharged… shoot, I can handle both babies having a breakdown at the same time now.  The one thing that I can’t handle is the surgeries… I can’t handle the weeks prior, I can’t handle the week before, I can’t handle the day before, let alone the day of surgery.

I think I’m always fine but my anxiety manifests in ways my mind can’t control.  Physically the stress takes over my body.  All of a sudden theres something sitting on my chest, preventing me from taking a complete breath.  Just as abruptly my eyes fill with tears, I start making an ugly cry face and I can’t stop from sobbing, not to mention to hide that from the twins is a challenge, God forbid they see my ugly cry face.  Thats something you can’t forget.

I try to keep busy to prevent myself from imagining the “what ifs”.  Leaving me in a state of panic every time I think of it because every surgery comes with complications… of course it does, why wouldn’t it?  Your going under anesthesia, your getting cut open, in this case theres going to be a foreign object put inside, theres the hope that the surgery fixed the problem, theres the pain, and the recovery which is the hardest part.  Theres also the fact that all this stress is put on my 20 month old daughter.

Is she used to it by now?  This is her fifth surgery, her fifth in her 20 months here on earth.  Her two heart surgeries, the fundoplication/g-tube surgery, the surgery to remove her cystic hygroma and now the surgery to fix her fundoplication and repair her hiatal hernia.  Every one just as stressful as the last because her syndrome makes things a bit more complicated for the doctor.  Every one leaves me just as brokenhearted as the last because I can’t do anything to take her pain away.  Every single one leaving me more distressed than the last because as I get to know her better and as I watch her grow and learn and persevere despite the odds it gets harder to know life isn’t promised for anyone of us, including my children.

So should I be used to it now?  Could I ever get used to it?  Will we be able to go for longer than a year with out a surgery?  How about five years? ten? twenty?  Will she be able to live a “normal” life with out having another surgery right around the corner?  We won’t ever know ahead of time, but I can say it is an honor to be the mom of a very special set of twins.  I pray that they always strive to give glory to God and are able to see the positive of everything that happens in their lives, despite how difficult it may seem at the time.  I pray they always take care of one another and love each other unconditionally, and I hope with all my heart that they learn to show their affection more kindly.  For example, I hope Eidan learns to hug his sister more gently, instead of pinning her down on the ground and I hope Eva learns to use a softer hand and touch her brothers head, instead of hitting it with all she’s got.  Theres no doubt they are fighters, in every sense of the word.  Amen.

 

IMG_7652