Been there…done that.

I have been there, I have done that and then I more than likely did it again.  I have experimented with many hair colors, styles and cuts.  I have experimented with many piercings and I have many tattoos and I also have plans for many more.  I have done drugs, I have partied all night, and I have lived like a rockstar. I have been a wife to a man who was an infantryman who jumped out of planes and I am still married to the same man who is now a police officer. I am a mother of g/b twins whose first few months were the roughest months of my life.  I have done some pretty terrible things when I was younger and I have said some unforgivable words, but I have been forgiven and I have also forgiven myself (somethings I have to constantly forgive myself for).  I have done so much that my life should have been on a TV show.  I guarantee it would have been very exciting.

Today I was thinking about how low-key my life has been since having the babies and I truly couldn’t be anymore happier.  I don’t have an itch to go out to drink or party anymore and to be honest I haven’t in a long time and it is absolutely wonderful.  On the flip side of that I understand how parents who have children young, and who weren’t able to have a “fun phase” in life tend to do so after their kids get older.  Im glad I got that out of my system when I did.

It’s so interesting that every time I planned on getting pregnant I would obsess about being a mom. Then every time I found out I was in fact pregnant (when I say, “every time”, this includes the pregnancies that resulted in miscarriages) I would immediately freakout about how many things I still wanted to do with my life.  I can honestly tell you after having the twins that thought hasn’t crossed my mind at all.  My selfish thoughts have gone out the window entirely and everything I think of from now on is how to better my family and how can I help other kids.  There is so much I want to do now but it is the totally opposite of the plans I had before becoming a mother.

Its so funny though, before I would drink and I was able to go to work the next morning… a few days ago for my 33rd birthday I had a few sips of wine, the next morning I felt hungover.  Its also so funny that how before, when I used to color my hair for fun, I now how to color my roots around the clock so people still think I’m 25, when I am already in my 30’s.  As much as I want to still get more piercings I don’t want people to think I am trying to hard to look young so I just settle for getting ink…. Im not really settling, I truly love it.

My advice to people who worry about the same things that I did before having the babies is, enjoy yourself and your husband.  Enjoy your sleep, enjoy your vacations, your hobbies, and your freedom.  When you have your baby know that your priority will be that child for the rest of your life.  Your sleep will be nonexistent in the beginning, your time will not be to do what you want, it will be to do what you need to do, and most importantly your heart will no longer be yours.  Just know that it is the hardest job in the world if your doing it right.  Just know that that person needs to depend on your for everything for a long time and it is the most special feeling in the world.  Heck yes it’s hard but it is unbelievably rewarding and you have a chance to raise your child in YOUR own way.  Just make sure your  being responsible and realizing your child has so much potential that can change the world for the better… or the exact opposite.  Choose wisely and more importantly love that little human with all of the love you are able to conjure each and every day.  Thank you God!

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Where did the time go?

As I get older I start to understand that my parents weren’t perfect, aren’t perfect nor will they ever be perfect.  I have accepted that they weren’t perfect already, my childhood and attitude could have told you that.  But I wasn’t prepared to realize that they still aren’t perfect and the mistakes they made when I was a child are still mistakes they continue because this is who they are.  So that leaves me with the question, will they ever be perfect or will they ever try to make right all of their wrongs?  Is it too late?  Probably, but now that I have my own family I want to learn from their wrongdoings and give my children much more than I ever had.

All of these thoughts have come to me now that I am 32 trying to play catch up with school and trying to give my children an example of how important it is to have an education.  I left school in the 10th grade because I had no direction or desire to complete it.   I had no idea that I was able to make only A’s (and one damn B) in college, but this is because the D’s and F’s would follow me through high school because you have to be in class, and study to make anything more.  My kids have to know that if they don’t go to college after high school, life will grab hold of them and make it that much harder to go back.  I will remind them that going to school now as a wife, and a mother is no luxury.  They will know I studied while they napped, and slept at night.  I will let them know that I never studied while they were awake because I enjoyed every single waking second with them.

What do I do now?  Nursing school was my dream but now I feel like my body is falling apart and I question if this is still the path for me?  Now that I have finally found my calling I am having back issues, wrist issues and anxiety.  Who knows what God will put in my life but I do know one thing.  I will not stay stagnate and conform to a life that does not sit well with me.  I will live up to my potential… Yes, I am a decade behind, but better late than never right?