When Eidan and Eva were born I can honestly say that I had no idea how to feel. I left the hospital 3 days after having them, empty handed. Eidan was still at The Woman’s Hospital of Texas, where they were both born and Eva was sent to Memorial Hermann Hospital where they were better prepared for her medical needs. I had to leave my babies in the hands of people I never met before. Some nurses I still keep in touch with, and some I met only one time in my life… one day/night where they took care of my new little treasures.
I was going every day to both hospitals to check on them. I still had preeclampsia (it lasted for a few months after having them) so my feet and ankles were constantly swollen, and I was recovering from the c-section. So I would be wheeled through both hospitals, assuming we could find a wheelchair that day and if we couldn’t I would walk like a decrepit old lady taking baby steps, leaning all of my body weight on my husband through both hospitals. It was rough as hell.
I was too busy pumping every 3 hours (night and day), and running from hospital to hospital to do anything else, to notice anything else. Showering, eating and sleeping were not in my agenda for a few months. I was a zombie, like the walking dead zombie, but not really because at least they ate. Sometimes I didn’t remember the drive home from the hospital which looking back concerns me. If anyone would have told me to slow down its not like I would have listened anyway. I had to see them everyday because they were my children and they were my responsibility. It was my duty as a mother. I was a mother now. I am a mom. I have twins. Almost a year and a half its still so strange to me.