Things have changed

You know, its been over a year since I’ve written on here and my life is nothing like it was and I’ve grown numb to all of the hits I have taken, but the good news is I am still able to appreciate the good.  My light is not gone and for that I am grateful.

Let me catch you up to speed strangers…

I am still going to school to become a nurse and I have less than a year to finish my prerequisites to apply to a nursing program in Houston.  My soon to be ex husband, the good and decent man that he was is gone.  I take part of the responsibility for why we didn’t work out.  I needed help throughout the marriage because of all the trauma in my life.  I needed a therapist and instead of working on my PTSD I didn’t, so I became hard.  He took the brunt of it and for that I am responsible, but the rest is out of my hands.

He wanted things to end when things were getting better and he got himself a girlfriend.  I didn’t care, and I still don’t care that he has a different one today.  He deserves to be happy, but his responsibilities as a father have gone out the window.  For what used to be a man so dedicated to his family is no more and the kids now have 3 hours a week on average with their father.

It says a lot about this man that when our daughter was in the hospital fighting for her life (from January to March of this year), he would leave her in the CVICU to sneak off and have sex with an old fling.  Fast forward to today, she is pregnant and due on his birthday.  For that I am not angry but in which the manner it happened repulses me.  I am supportive and often check on the status of her and the baby, and I am excited that my kids will have a sibling especially since I will not be having any more kids.

As for our original plan was that we would always be friends and that he would continue to support us until I am done with school in less than 3 years.  Again, that is out the window and he told me a few days before a very important cardiology appointment for my daughter (that determines if its time for her first actual open heart surgery) that he is no longer going to do that.  That his new plan is that I will now have to get a full time job and help support the kids financially even though I am unable to leave our daughter for more than 3 hours because of her feeding schedule.  But this is important to him because he wants to be able to live his life with his new girlfriend of 3 months.

I have learned a lot about my personal experience as well as my own moms.  I have learned that if you are married don’t EVER stop moving yourself forward.  If you ever have to get a divorce, the law is the law and fair or not it doesn’t matter.  It doesn’t matter how much time you have dedicated to your husband in making sure he reaches his goals.  It doesn’t matter how much time you have spent making sure your kids are properly taken care of.  It doesn’t matter if you always put yourself last, everything is written in black and white in divorce law.

In summation, not even this can hold me back from reaching my goal to one day become a nurse.  I have gone through so much with my children that this person will never get the best of me.  As for you, if you are married, don’t forget your responsibilities as a wife/mother and be the best you can, but set a goal for yourself and never lose sight of it.  One day this personal goal may be one of the reasons why you didn’t break when maybe you should have.

 

Advertisements

Can I have more hours in a day?

 

I wear many hats in this life, I always have.  I am a wife to an awesome man, a mother to two sassy twin toddlers, a cook, or shall a say a slow cooker specialist, a house cleaner (debatable), a student (right now I am on a break until next semester to continue my prerequisites so I can work towards my nursing degree), an actress to my children that sometimes need a bit of extra in their lives… and more. For some reason that just wasn’t enough so I most recently started a small business, so add business owner to that list.

I never understood how people at a young age know exactly what to study, what career to follow, or just know what their purpose in life is.  How is it possible that at 33 years old I just found it and how exactly am I going to juggle all of these roles at the same time, without loosing the importance of being a good wife and mother, getting good grades at school and creating a successful business?  Naturally when I sit down to think about it I get upset that I wasted so much time, but only one thing gives me peace, and that is knowing how could I have started all of this before when my purpose wasn’t revealed to me until after having my kids.

So why start a business?  I’ll tell you… After having the twins and with all of Eva’s medical issues, I realized that people were first intimidated by her, and it makes sense because so was I!  As she got older and around more people, I started to notice an unusual look people would give her and I didn’t understand.  But one day a very young girl, at a Barnes and Nobles came up to Eva and myself and asked, “whats wrong with her?”  That comment confirmed my suspicion that people see her differently.  ***Sidenote, to us she looks “normal” and beautiful obviously because she is our baby grrr.**  The only thing I could think of that may get peoples attention would be her webbed neck, which is part of her syndrome.  Well, I was so livid that the little girls mom said nothing so I went off to cry with her in my arms in between an empty rows of books.  I was sad and confused not understanding how a parent could not correct their child.  I now know that people don’t always know what to say, or do and I get it.  Especially because you will get different answers from many parents that have children with special needs, but if you ask me I would say, just ask in a polite manner because staring is not appropriate in any situation.  I must admit, I am now grateful to have that experience because I knew something had to change.  It made me realize that I  will not always be able to protect my daughter, but I can raise her to be a strong woman and help many people understand that everyone is different, some just don’t hide it and to me, that is enchanting.

My business, peculiarly perfect, is a clothing line with a purpose.  It was created to bridge the gap between children with special needs and curious minds.  I started with just two shirts, one for all kids and another is for kids that have a g-tube.  I have two more designs coming out next month and much more to follow.  I will have shirts for kids that have special needs with a clever design proclaiming their differences, instead of hiding what unique qualities they have.  There will also be shirts for all kids to show support.  More importantly I will be educating the public with a tab on my website called, spotlight child!  This is where there will be a child’s story featured quarterly, along with information  on their condition so kids and adults can become educated and eventually get more comfortable with people who are different than they are.



Will I be busier than before?  Yes.  Do I think its worth it?  ABSOLUTELY!  I thank God I have some direction….. if only there were 48 hr days, instead of 24.