WHEN PEOPLE SAY IT’S HARD BEING A MOM, THEY AREN’T BEING ENTIRELY TRUTHFUL. What they should really say is that it’s trying, demanding and lonely. The “age of the toddler” are always trying you, but it’s what they do, it’s what they are supposed to do. It is demanding not only on your time, but on your mind and body, so you feel like your going crazy repeating yourself over and over, as well as your whole anatomy is falling apart. It is lonely because I think after you have kids you realize the number of your friends dwindles down to a surprising number. Things just change, you change, your friends may change, or they may not and therein lies the problem. After I had the babies, my everything changed, including my manners, my attention span, and my tolerance for bullshit.
THE HARDEST PART I think is feeling like I am alone even though am married and I have two little ones with me at all times. I mean at all times… to get a glass of water, to go to the bathroom, I look over and my two little trolls are always there. My husband on the other hand works really hard, sacrificing his passions at the moment, and that just that fills my heart with love and sadness. I am grateful I am on this journey with him because I can’t imagine doing it without him, and even though we don’t see each other much he still makes me laugh and angry within a minute of conversation. Now thats special!
WHEN YOU BECOME A MOM you become invisible to the outside world, unless your blessed enough to have someone who calls YOU a friend and keeps YOU in the front of their mind even though you have nothing to offer at the moment. Because when your a mom everything you have to give is to your children who gave you the most important gift, your purpose. If you have a friend that is able to know their place in your new life and still want you around… well, those are the friends you know you will keep in the front of YOUR mind when you are able to offer more. Thank you God for this eye opener.
I forgot to mention in my previous posts that everything we went through from July 2014 (two months before I gave birth) until May 2015 (when the twins were 8 months old) we lived at my husbands grandmothers home (his grandmother was awesome to us, she helped us out when we were at our lowest and we are truly indebted to her). We lived in a small room where I did everything in, and I mean everything in there. I made it my own home. If I left the room, I literally ran to the kitchen when the twins were taking a nap. The first time I actually decided to leave them for more than two minutes, I went for a walk around the neighborhood while Josh watched them, and that is when Eva decided to do her first roll over. I think at that moment I realized she was totally daddy’s girl, and still is.
By the time we left to our own home we were able to stretch our legs and Eidan finally got to perfect his crawling. Eventually Eva figured it out too and this is when things began to get REAL! They were tag teaming me every chance they had, and they still do. After a few months of living in our own home Eva’s most amazing nurse moved away. She was with us for a few months and I trusted her with all my heart. We tried another nurse but it didn’t work out and something told me I could do it on my own and I have never looked back since. I get to watch them grow before my very eyes and see them process and learn something new everyday. Eva does however still have physical therapy and occupational therapy that comes twice a week, and thank God for their help. I think the gap between Eidan and Eva’s physical achievements would be much bigger if we didn’t have therapists for her. You need to know the edema she has on her feet is substantial and she’s figuring out how to walk on rounded, instead of flat feet. It will get better as she grows but until then she has her own way and it is absolutely impressive to watch. She is unbelievable. Eidan also it truly something to watch as well. His strength is remarkable, like a little ant. Im pretty sure by next year he will be able to lift me up with no problem at all.
Honestly, I always worried about the babies loosing their twin bond because of how long they were separated but after Eva returning home after her second heart surgery, the look they gave each other eased my worries. Since then their twin bond has grown exponentially. For example they both move at the same time, multiple times throughout the night… and they sleep in separate rooms with their own sound machine. They also have developed their own language that is still growing everyday, leaving me out of the loop. I sometimes wonder if I had had them separately would they have been better off because I would have been able to give them more one on one attention. After months of really reflecting on it, I know their bond is more important. I think Eidan pushes Eva more than I ever could so I set time apart when one is asleep and the other is up to give them the special love and attention I think they need on an individual level. Thank God for His wonderful plan and intricate tests for us all. Not only am I thankful for our twins, I also know I could not have gone through this experience with my sanity intact with anyone other than my husband.