Things have changed

You know, its been over a year since I’ve written on here and my life is nothing like it was and I’ve grown numb to all of the hits I have taken, but the good news is I am still able to appreciate the good.  My light is not gone and for that I am grateful.

Let me catch you up to speed strangers…

I am still going to school to become a nurse and I have less than a year to finish my prerequisites to apply to a nursing program in Houston.  My soon to be ex husband, the good and decent man that he was is gone.  I take part of the responsibility for why we didn’t work out.  I needed help throughout the marriage because of all the trauma in my life.  I needed a therapist and instead of working on my PTSD I didn’t, so I became hard.  He took the brunt of it and for that I am responsible, but the rest is out of my hands.

He wanted things to end when things were getting better and he got himself a girlfriend.  I didn’t care, and I still don’t care that he has a different one today.  He deserves to be happy, but his responsibilities as a father have gone out the window.  For what used to be a man so dedicated to his family is no more and the kids now have 3 hours a week on average with their father.

It says a lot about this man that when our daughter was in the hospital fighting for her life (from January to March of this year), he would leave her in the CVICU to sneak off and have sex with an old fling.  Fast forward to today, she is pregnant and due on his birthday.  For that I am not angry but in which the manner it happened repulses me.  I am supportive and often check on the status of her and the baby, and I am excited that my kids will have a sibling especially since I will not be having any more kids.

As for our original plan was that we would always be friends and that he would continue to support us until I am done with school in less than 3 years.  Again, that is out the window and he told me a few days before a very important cardiology appointment for my daughter (that determines if its time for her first actual open heart surgery) that he is no longer going to do that.  That his new plan is that I will now have to get a full time job and help support the kids financially even though I am unable to leave our daughter for more than 3 hours because of her feeding schedule.  But this is important to him because he wants to be able to live his life with his new girlfriend of 3 months.

I have learned a lot about my personal experience as well as my own moms.  I have learned that if you are married don’t EVER stop moving yourself forward.  If you ever have to get a divorce, the law is the law and fair or not it doesn’t matter.  It doesn’t matter how much time you have dedicated to your husband in making sure he reaches his goals.  It doesn’t matter how much time you have spent making sure your kids are properly taken care of.  It doesn’t matter if you always put yourself last, everything is written in black and white in divorce law.

In summation, not even this can hold me back from reaching my goal to one day become a nurse.  I have gone through so much with my children that this person will never get the best of me.  As for you, if you are married, don’t forget your responsibilities as a wife/mother and be the best you can, but set a goal for yourself and never lose sight of it.  One day this personal goal may be one of the reasons why you didn’t break when maybe you should have.

 

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