As I get older I start to understand that my parents weren’t perfect, aren’t perfect nor will they ever be perfect. I have accepted that they weren’t perfect already, my childhood and attitude could have told you that. But I wasn’t prepared to realize that they still aren’t perfect and the mistakes they made when I was a child are still mistakes they continue because this is who they are. So that leaves me with the question, will they ever be perfect or will they ever try to make right all of their wrongs? Is it too late? Probably, but now that I have my own family I want to learn from their wrongdoings and give my children much more than I ever had.
All of these thoughts have come to me now that I am 32 trying to play catch up with school and trying to give my children an example of how important it is to have an education. I left school in the 10th grade because I had no direction or desire to complete it. I had no idea that I was able to make only A’s (and one damn B) in college, but this is because the D’s and F’s would follow me through high school because you have to be in class, and study to make anything more. My kids have to know that if they don’t go to college after high school, life will grab hold of them and make it that much harder to go back. I will remind them that going to school now as a wife, and a mother is no luxury. They will know I studied while they napped, and slept at night. I will let them know that I never studied while they were awake because I enjoyed every single waking second with them.
What do I do now? Nursing school was my dream but now I feel like my body is falling apart and I question if this is still the path for me? Now that I have finally found my calling I am having back issues, wrist issues and anxiety. Who knows what God will put in my life but I do know one thing. I will not stay stagnate and conform to a life that does not sit well with me. I will live up to my potential… Yes, I am a decade behind, but better late than never right?