Where did the time go?

As I get older I start to understand that my parents weren’t perfect, aren’t perfect nor will they ever be perfect.  I have accepted that they weren’t perfect already, my childhood and attitude could have told you that.  But I wasn’t prepared to realize that they still aren’t perfect and the mistakes they made when I was a child are still mistakes they continue because this is who they are.  So that leaves me with the question, will they ever be perfect or will they ever try to make right all of their wrongs?  Is it too late?  Probably, but now that I have my own family I want to learn from their wrongdoings and give my children much more than I ever had.

All of these thoughts have come to me now that I am 32 trying to play catch up with school and trying to give my children an example of how important it is to have an education.  I left school in the 10th grade because I had no direction or desire to complete it.   I had no idea that I was able to make only A’s (and one damn B) in college, but this is because the D’s and F’s would follow me through high school because you have to be in class, and study to make anything more.  My kids have to know that if they don’t go to college after high school, life will grab hold of them and make it that much harder to go back.  I will remind them that going to school now as a wife, and a mother is no luxury.  They will know I studied while they napped, and slept at night.  I will let them know that I never studied while they were awake because I enjoyed every single waking second with them.

What do I do now?  Nursing school was my dream but now I feel like my body is falling apart and I question if this is still the path for me?  Now that I have finally found my calling I am having back issues, wrist issues and anxiety.  Who knows what God will put in my life but I do know one thing.  I will not stay stagnate and conform to a life that does not sit well with me.  I will live up to my potential… Yes, I am a decade behind, but better late than never right?

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That army life.

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I would say that this picture sums up my whole experience as an army wife, right there on my face.  It was rough and I applaud every woman out there that has experienced this life because it is hard, lonely, infuriating, frightening, and exciting all in one.  I was never able to remember his company, unit, squad, brigade… all of the above.  I was judged by some for my lack of interest in all of this but all I knew was that my husband was much more than just the army.  This was not long term for us and the more involved I was I felt the more stuck I was in a lifestyle that didn’t suit me.  But I stuck it out for the love of my life and I am so happy I did.  We grew stronger and stronger every day, every 14 hour working day.

In our 4 years in the army I…

  1. Moved to North Carolina,
  2. Lived in a motel for months with my new husband with whom I never lived with before,
  3. Got my GED (at 29) after leaving high school in 10th grade,
  4. Got rehired at MAC,
  5. Went to college and figured out I’m a lot smarter than I once thought,
  6. Often waited next to our window thinking that someone was going to knock on our door and tell me my husband was not coming home, while he was deployed,
  7. Had corrective surgery on my uterus because of multiple miscarriages,
  8. Got pregnant with twins,
  9. Found out our daughter had turners syndrome.

It was very challenging for the both of us and it is easy to see why the divorce rate is high in the army.  It was a difficult time for even us, best friends turned husband and wife, but   I met some people that I will never forget.  Some I talk to once in a while, some I never talk to anymore but every single one of them will stay with me for the rest of my life and I pray I was able to make an impact on them as well.