Been there…done that.

I have been there, I have done that and then I more than likely did it again.  I have experimented with many hair colors, styles and cuts.  I have experimented with many piercings and I have many tattoos and I also have plans for many more.  I have done drugs, I have partied all night, and I have lived like a rockstar. I have been a wife to a man who was an infantryman who jumped out of planes and I am still married to the same man who is now a police officer. I am a mother of g/b twins whose first few months were the roughest months of my life.  I have done some pretty terrible things when I was younger and I have said some unforgivable words, but I have been forgiven and I have also forgiven myself (somethings I have to constantly forgive myself for).  I have done so much that my life should have been on a TV show.  I guarantee it would have been very exciting.

Today I was thinking about how low-key my life has been since having the babies and I truly couldn’t be anymore happier.  I don’t have an itch to go out to drink or party anymore and to be honest I haven’t in a long time and it is absolutely wonderful.  On the flip side of that I understand how parents who have children young, and who weren’t able to have a “fun phase” in life tend to do so after their kids get older.  Im glad I got that out of my system when I did.

It’s so interesting that every time I planned on getting pregnant I would obsess about being a mom. Then every time I found out I was in fact pregnant (when I say, “every time”, this includes the pregnancies that resulted in miscarriages) I would immediately freakout about how many things I still wanted to do with my life.  I can honestly tell you after having the twins that thought hasn’t crossed my mind at all.  My selfish thoughts have gone out the window entirely and everything I think of from now on is how to better my family and how can I help other kids.  There is so much I want to do now but it is the totally opposite of the plans I had before becoming a mother.

Its so funny though, before I would drink and I was able to go to work the next morning… a few days ago for my 33rd birthday I had a few sips of wine, the next morning I felt hungover.  Its also so funny that how before, when I used to color my hair for fun, I now how to color my roots around the clock so people still think I’m 25, when I am already in my 30’s.  As much as I want to still get more piercings I don’t want people to think I am trying to hard to look young so I just settle for getting ink…. Im not really settling, I truly love it.

My advice to people who worry about the same things that I did before having the babies is, enjoy yourself and your husband.  Enjoy your sleep, enjoy your vacations, your hobbies, and your freedom.  When you have your baby know that your priority will be that child for the rest of your life.  Your sleep will be nonexistent in the beginning, your time will not be to do what you want, it will be to do what you need to do, and most importantly your heart will no longer be yours.  Just know that it is the hardest job in the world if your doing it right.  Just know that that person needs to depend on your for everything for a long time and it is the most special feeling in the world.  Heck yes it’s hard but it is unbelievably rewarding and you have a chance to raise your child in YOUR own way.  Just make sure your  being responsible and realizing your child has so much potential that can change the world for the better… or the exact opposite.  Choose wisely and more importantly love that little human with all of the love you are able to conjure each and every day.  Thank you God!

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Sometimes I just need to vent.

I can’t believe things are happening so fast with the babies!  Literally every day things are changing and it makes this job by far the best job I have had in my life.  And that actually means a lot because my work history varies from, working at an ice-cream company, to a go go dancer,  a legal assistant to a makeup artist, and this is just to mention a few.  Originally, these kids were the reason for my premature grey hair they are now the reason for my daily smiles and laughs that I have all day

Eidan is such a big boy!  He is repeating words on a regular basis.  His favorite words as of today are, circle, sit down, sissy, daddy, mama, and Shana.  His communication is incredible and his tantrums can be either prevented altogether or resolved with a reach out for him to hug me, I console him and I say, “all done?” and he then repeats, “all done” and walks off.  He really loves his sissy and that makes me the happiest mom in the world.  I especially appreciate that when Eva comes and destroys anything Eidan makes, he just continues on without a hesitation. Oh my heart!

Now Eva has truly come a long way.  I have started experimenting for a few days now, gravity feeding her instead of using the pump and I am amazed.  She is now being fed for only 20 minutes instead of a miserable hour and a half, not to mention having to vent her is little to none now.  I ACTUALLY PUT HER TO BED WITHOUT HAVING TO VENT HER TONIGHT FOR THE FIRST TIME IN EVA HISTORY!!!!!  I truly could not see our lives without having to vent her until she was completely off of the tube but I now feel the day is just a few away.  This is kind of a big deal, simply because we have avoided taking the babies many places because it is very difficult taking everything, and having to prepare for venting her in public (which is alot harder than anyone can imagine).  When we did take them out we had an hour of a window to do something with them then we had to bring them home ASAP to keep them on their feeding schedule.  Now we can actually go out and let them enjoy this beautiful world!  Oh my, the possibilities!   For anyone who doesn’t know what venting is, it is when you have to lay the child on the floor and open(release) the gtube extension into a tube to release any built up air in the belly because she is unable to burp by mouth, so essentially it is like burping her just through her g-tube.  It needs to be done because the air will build up and cause her to wretch, which is uncomfortable for anyone, especially a baby.  

Tomorrow Eva and I will be having a girls night… just kidding, she has a sleep study at the hospital from 7pm until 7am.  The study will determine if she has sleep apnea. If she does, the study will determine how bad it is, and the ENT will either suggest surgery now, later or never.  I am hoping we will be able to sleep with no problem and we will be home in time for breakfast.  Daddy will be having a boys night and party all night! JK, until 7:30 then lights out.

I am so proud of our little family.  Especially my husband.  He has been working really hard for us.  He has been working extra jobs galore and I rarely see him throughout the week.  I always knew how blessed I was to have him but the fact that he picked me has always made me question his sanity.  He’s such a badass, even though he gets on my nerves and vice versa.  I must have done something really awesome to have ended up with him.  Thank you Lord!

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