Sometimes it is OK to cry… in the shower.

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I knew I needed a photo of today of just us, my love.

As I took a shower tonight I had to remind myself that it was ok to cry before I actually did.  I should start by saying it was a long day, and if you want to include from the start of my concern for Eidan, then we can say its been a long month.

To begin, by niece has type 1 diabetes so it has been in my life for 17 years now, so when Eidan started peeing more than usual at night in bed, I started to worry.  He has been waking up in the morning with the front of his shirt, his pants, and his bed soaked with pee.  His tantrums  also seem to come to a complete stop when I give him something to drink, telling me that he is more thirsty than normal so I made an appointment with the doctor a few weeks ago, but then I cancelled it because I thought I may have been reading into it too much.

More recently, my mom and my husband got to see and feel what I was talking about and they concluded that yes, it was a considerable amount.  So today was the actual doctors appointment and as soon as we got into the room he was fighting everyone for the first hour of vitals (including the blood work and placement of the pee bag).  The second hour he would only sit in my lap and watch videos on my phone, while we waited for him to pee in the bag.  The third hour was us walking around in the green grass trying to initiate the pee that we had been waiting for, for three hours already until it finally came.  The whole morning I was nauseous at the thought anything being wrong with my son, and by the end of the appointment, I was hungry and I had to get home to feed Eva through her g-tube, and make something for Eidan.

When we got home I got some confusing results from the nurse… first, his blood sugars from his urine was a bit high, but after I mentioned that he had just ate right before he peed in the bag, so that number was ok, then I got another call telling me that he needed to see a endocrine specialist, on top of the urology doctor because they were just a little concerned with another number (I can’t recall the name because I was in a daze because I though he was just cleared).

I can’t exactly express how I feel because I don’t know how to feel, other than I was prepared for Eva’s issues but I can’t say I am prepared for this… I don’t even know if this is a “this” yet.  But I can tell you that after my shower and my long cry I felt absolutely chosen for these two children.  Despite any more bumps in the road that we may have, no matter how many more shower cries I have from now on (whether this situation is a problem or not), I don’t care how “hard” my life may be, I can say one thing for sure… I can’t do shit without God, period.

The first 24 hours of being 2×2

Do two year olds know when they turned two and do they know that they are supposed to act entirely different as soon as their birthday hits?  Eidan and Eva apparently got that memo and they are tracking.  Here are the babies newest shenanigans…

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Eva is now more persistent than ever!  The word, “No” is just a sound that comes out of moms mouth but means absolutely nothing.  However, lets brush your teeth sends her running and screaming like a hyena.  Climbing new toys is her new thing, along with falling.  Her favorite thing to do is taking a toy that Eidan is playing with and getting upset when he takes it back from her while I sit on the side lines to see if I need to intercede.  So much fun.

Eidan is talking up a storm.  His favorite word is circles and cake.  Cake is his favorite food and has learned that when you sing them happy birthday, cake follows.  He loves to close the door on you as soon as you walk off for even a second, when you open the door he is standing there just waiting for you with the sneakiest face.  He loves screaming like a pterodactyl if anyone is too close to his toys, especially his sister.  So I hear that dinosaur scream all the time.

Update: Evas ear, nose and throat dr has confirmed she has severe apnea.  We will be seeing her dr. next month to know what his plans are for her.  I will admit, I knew she had it but I did not know how bad.  The news came as a huge surprise and it got me down because it means that inevitably she will be needing another surgery and it breaks my heart.  For the first time I will not obsess about the outcome.  I will simply take it as it comes and pray about it often.  I tend to worry about worst case scenarios and have anxiety every night but I will make a constant effort to give it to God.  This may be the hardest task for me since my imagination is absolutely on another level.

and new news……..*insert drum noises* and we have a new (possibly temporary) family member………… it’s really up to him…

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Lilo

Josh found him injured on the floor during a night run.  I called the wildlife phone number and they said they would just put him down.  I have decided to take care of him until he gets better (God willing).  He seems to be flourishing… probably because he is getting fed around the clock during the day…. literally every 15-30 min in the day.  I am glad Josh found him because having Lilo has made me realize if I have time to feed the bird I DEFINITELY have time to consistently work on feeding Eva by mouth EVERY meal. Whether she takes it or not is up to her but I have faith that she will start taking food by mouth before she is three.  If you are reading this please keep that in your prayers too.  This may be her toughest hurdle yet but I know she can do it!